Crushes

So, I haven't really made any comics in a REALLY long time and I don't have any in progress right now.  I know, I've been a real bum about making comics.  However, I noticed that CJ wanted to start writing blog posts for his site along with the comics and I dug the idea.  I was logged into my Google account the other day and noticed in my 102°F fever haze that he had some ideas for blogs as drafts on the account.  I happened to notice that one of his ideas was about his crushes.  I got off of my computer and, now laying on the floor in my 102°F haze, I started thinking about all of my crushes that I have ever had.

Damn.  I had a lot of crushes!

So, I'm going to put it all out there (well, almost all of it).  Whether you asked for it or not, it's coming out full force.  Get ready motherfuckers!  Or just stop reading here.  The glory of reading, right?  You can skip parts or stop whenever you want and don't have to worry about your DVR being full.  Anyways, time to go balls deep into this shit!

Believe it or not, my first crush was when I was in preschool.  There was another girl in the class named Lauren that I had a crush on.  And that's the extent I remember that crush.  What do you want from me, a fucking diary or something?  Geez...

I remember having a crush on a girl named Alyssa in 2nd grade.  Yeah, I don't remember a lot about that one either.  Hook me up to an electric generator if you want.  I don't have anything else to say about that one.

3rd Grade I had a crush on a girl named Sydney.  She had a fucking boy's name and was athletic like a boy but she had her girly aspects too.  Maybe... maybe I just had a thing for dykes in 3rd Grade.  Who knows???

4th Grade I had a crush on a girl named Chelsee.  Yeah, her name was spelled C-h-e-l-s-e-e instead of C-h-e-l-s-e-a.  She was a sweet girl though I haven't really talked to her since 4th Grade.  We all know that girls change a ton before high school is over.

5th Grade I had a crush on........hm.  I didn't have a crush on anyone in Fifth Grade?  Wait, that's right.  I had a crush on Megan that year.  She didn't even go to my elementary school.  She went to the one just down the road but since the elementary schools are small, the district combined the two schools' band programs into one for the concerts.  So, on Tuesday mornings (I think) we would have rehearsals in the cafeteria.  All I remember is how good Megan looked and, believe me, she just got better as Middle School and High School went on.  She had a steady boyfriend for most of it though.  So there goes that idea.

6th Grade I had a crush two girls.  Damn raging hormones!  I had a crush on a girl named Dana (not CJ's ex) who was a beautiful blonde girl with a sweet personality.  If I had a chance to go on a date with her today, I would definitely take it.  She certainly didn't get worse through high school.  That is for sure!  The other girl I had a crush on was named Amanda.  She was a beautiful brunette with a squeaky voice who had a very trim figure.  I didn't really know much about her because I didn't talk to her much but she was certainly nice to look at.  But yeah, my crushes on Dana and Amanda went through the duration of middle school.  In fact, like I said, I still would give Dana a chance if the opportunity arose.  It's almost like I never even got over that crush at all.  Sheesh.  I'm a fucking wimp!

Anyways, amongst these two crushes you can also add on another crush when I was in 7th Grade.  There was a dark and tall girl in my science class named Lauren.  I'm sure she turned into a major ass slut in high school.  She just has it written all over her with the makeup and the fancy handbags and high heels.  What girl wants to live like that anyways?

In 8th Grade, I developed three more crushes on top of the other three I had at the time.  At this point, I'm just about to lose my mind!  There was a cute read-head named Jess that played soccer.  Man she had those sexy soccer player legs!  Anyone who knows me knows that I will bring up the sexy soccer player legs every now and then.  I don't even know what it is.  Girls that play soccer have this kind of structure to their legs that are just really appealing to me.  I think it has something to do with the fullness and firmness of them that makes them better than any other chick legs...ever.  Anyways, like a lot of soccer players in high school, she turned into a major ass slut too.  My second crush that I got that year was for a girl named Molly who was a really pretty blonde with a very trim figure.  She was also the first girl I ever asked out.  She was a band geek like me and one day after band when we were putting our instruments away, I kind of hinted that I liked her and she just looked at me with this disgusted look and I covered it up with a joke.  She was instantly relieved after that.  So even though I didn't technically ask her out, I still consider it one of the times that I did because I got rejected so hard that I didn't even get to the "asking out" step.  Beat that Motherfuckers!  hahahahaha  More uneventful was my third crush.  Her name was Megan (not to be confused with the Megan from before).  She also had soccer player legs.  I don't even know what it was about her.  I liked her carefree personality a lot I guess.  She was probably the first girl I had a crush on that wasn't based on physical attractiveness.  I guess it was a sign that my tastes in women were maturing as well.

Of course, like a lot of people, a lot of things change when going to high school.  One thing that didn't change in high school is my high volume of crushes and my lack of girlfriend.  So, Freshman year of high school I liked this girl named Steph a lot (not my ex-girlfriend).  She had long blonde hair and a cute personality.  She was also very short which added to the cuteness factor.  She also had soccer player legs (anyone noticing a pattern here?).  She played flute in band as well which for some reason is something I found attractive at the time.  Both Megans that I had a crush on also played flute for that matter.  I also had a crush on a girl named Kelly who was a tall and slim brunette with a stunning figure.  We were in the same geometry class and I don't remember much but I do remember this one time when she made some comment about how she was getting fat and I stood up and immediately told her how wrong she was and how good of a figure she had.  I honestly think that I made her day by telling her that because she was blushing and whatnot but it's not like she liked me or anything like that so really, another crush gone nowhere.

Sophomore year my crushes didn't slow down much at all.  This is actually the year I am most open about when it comes to my crushes.  This is the year that I had a crush on three different girls in my one English class and I talked to all three of them on a daily basis.  In retrospect, I could have probably had some sort of success if I wasn't so depressed and mixed up at the time.  But yeah, the three girls in that class were Ashleigh, Ashley, and Kelly (not to be confused with the other Kelly).  The thing about these three girls is that they were all great in their own unique way.  Ashleigh was the really quiet bookworm.  She was a really tall brunette with glassy eyes and lush lips.  She was very pretty.  Like Dana, if I was ever presented with an opportunity to date Ashleigh today, I would definitely take it.  Yeah, Ashleigh was overwhelmingly pretty.  Her last name was Angel which I always found ironically fitting for her because she would never hurt a fly or do anything bad.  But yeah, I did ask her out.  If you want to know more about that story, you're gonna have to look at the comic.  I'm not telling it again.  In retrospect though, when asking Ashleigh out, I really should have spoken up more.  I think a lot of it had to do with that Ashleigh was the first girl that I was really humbled by her presence.  Everything about her just amazed me.  In fact, her qualities are still quite appealing to me today.  She is the one girl that I had a crush on before that I still think about semi-regularly (which is weird, I know).  It's almost like my crush never really went away.  It drives me crazy some days!!!  Well, moving on, along with Ashleigh, there were also Ashley and Kelly.  Ashley was also sweet.  She was pretty cool.  She's also about the most unappealing when it comes to physical appearance.  But as I said before, my tastes were changing to more of what they are now and how I am more attracted to a good personality opposed to physical appearance.  Ashley's acne would really turn a lot of guys off I imagine.  I just couldn't help being attracted by how cool she was though and her personality.  Kelly was really interesting too.  She travels all over the world and has been to all sorts of foreign countries as a foreign exchange student.  She was always very interesting to me which is why I had a crush on her.  Her biggest downfall though is how skinny she was.  Her chest is flatter than the Midwest and her ass didn't exist at all.

But yeah, enough about that.  Sophomore year was when I was starting to breakdown emotionally.  Fortunately, I had some higher class girls around to keep me from having crushes on sluts.  Well, they weren't around my Junior or Senior year so I was starting to get crushes on sluts those years in pure desperation.  I could barely keep myself away though, in retrospect, I don't know how I did but I'm glad that I did stay away from the sluts.  Junior year of high school I had a small crush on a slut named Tana.  Anyone who was in my graduating class knows who Tana is.  She is a very pretty blonde with an outgoing personality.  She's a huge ass slut though.  I made sure to steer clear of anything involving her because I knew that, underneath the good qualities, she's just a slut.  I also had a crush on a girl that I cannot even remember the name of (Yeah, I'm fucking serious.  Call me a pig if you want.  I can't remember her name for the life of me.).  She had dirty blonde hair and a slight tan.  I didn't have a crush on her for very long though because she ended up dating one of the football player guys in class.  So that was that. 

Senior year I had a crush on a slut named AJ (yeah, that AJ).  I fucking fell for that shit so fast because I was so fucking depressed.  Shit.  I'm not making that mistake ever again.  That whole following summer was a huge mistake.

Yeah, after Sophomore year of high school, my crushes slow down considerably.  I only had two Junior year and one Senior year.  After high school I ended up "dating" a girl named Steph for a bit of time.  Technically, that one wasn't a crush though because I dated her strictly on physical attraction and (mostly) desperation.  That story would have to wait for another day, however.  My Freshman year of college I had a crush on a couple of girls in my English classes.  One of them was a singer in an indie rock band so it was pretty much solely for that reason.  Her name was Elle.  The other girl was a nice brunette that I sat next to on computer lab days.  Her name was Allison.  Not too much more to tell there except that I found out later that both of them had boyfriends.  So that was that.

Sophomore year of college was about as uneventful.  I had a crush on a girl named Ali in my speech class but because of the nature of the class (ironically) I had very little opportunity to talk to her.  At the end of the semester, I asked her out and she wasn't interested.  Though at this point in time, I really didn't care too much.

So this actually brings us back to present day.  After this long, unedited, rant of past crushes and what not (and the blatant omission of the girls I asked to Senior prom.  Though, I guess those don't technically count as crushes anyways).  I'm sure those of you who have known me for a long time don't really know about half of the stuff in this post.  I would be surprised if you would anyways because I don't really talk about this stuff that much.  Anyways, now that we are at this point, you may be wondering how I feel about the future.  Well, as anyone can see, girls have pretty much been an emotional roller coaster for me.  Am I optimistic about the future?  A little I suppose but mostly just tired and not caring at this point.  Every plan that I make now makes the assumption that I will be single in the future.  Why should I plan otherwise?  I have had no result so far that will tell me that I will not be single in the future (including "dating" Steph which I found out after the fact that she was not even interested in me.  I was just a part of her stupid little game). 

So crushes come and go but recognize the things that will always be there for you like your family and your closest friends.  They're sticking around whether you like it or not.  Maybe one day I will learn that crushes are just really annoying and not even worth thinking about.