My Take on Paul

So, I have a good friend of mine named Paul.

For those of you that don't know Paul, he is a very interesting character.  He is a very smart person.  He goes to one of the most prestigious engineering colleges in the nation.  He's very odd in his own unique kind of a way.  He often ends up taking very bizarre jokes really far.  For instance, he is most infamous for his umbrella hat joke.  This is probably because it was caught on film.

In fact, you can watch it here!

Anyways, despite his odd nature, he seems to have one thing that he can always count on...

GIRLS!!!

Well, okay, everyone knows that you can't count on a woman or, well, anyone for that matter.  But seriously, this guy seems to have at least two or three girls interested in him at all times!  Okay, so I can't really say how many girls are interested in him right now but I know that he has his girlfriend so that's at least one (well, presumably his girlfriend has interest in him).

To me, this has been a great phenomenon that I think about more than any sane human being would.  I weigh back and forth how this could happen.  In my experience, it is the complete tools and jackoffs that get all the girls.  So how does Paul pull it off?  Well, I can't say that I have very good theories but I do have them nonetheless.  Maybe they're right or maybe I'm dead wrong.  Probably dead wrong.  There is no science as to how this works out.  In fact it's madness!!!  IT'S INSANITY!!!  LET'S BRACE FOR IT IT!!!

1.)  My first theory is that girls like his odd nature.  Seems straightforward enough, right?  At the same time though, it seems rather odd too.  In my observations, girls tend to go for the guys who have immense amounts of confidence or assholes.  Most people who have immense amounts of confidence are assholes, in fact.  So, if Paul isn't an asshole, which I don't think he is, then how does he do it?  How come girls bypass the desire for an asshole and go after the kid with the weird quirks instead?  Well, the best I've come up with is that they find these quirks interesting.  Why do they find these quirks interesing?  Well, because no one else really compares to Paul.  Paul is so different and so unique that girls know that they are getting a one of a kind person.  In other words, Paul is like a rare item.  Girls like rare stones like rubies and diamonds.  They also like rare guys as well.

However, being a rare guy doesn't make the cut by itself.  You can be rare and still be boring.  But by exhibiting his rare nature in a non-creepy way, he exhibits the confidence in himself that an asshole would have without being an actual asshole.  I think the key here is that he exhibits what I call passive-confidence.  Assholes exhibit what I call active-confidence.  They are not only confident, but they want to get in your face and let you know about their dominance every second that you are in the room.  Paul, on the other hand, doesn't feel the need to do this and instead lets his confidence show without having to tell everyone about it.  Basically, he just keeps being his odd self and that's it.  That's all it takes.

2.)  However, not all odd people can just be confident and get the ladies.  Paul also has great properties that help him not only get the ladies interested but keep them interested.  He often doesn't return their text messages or answers their calls which keeps girls guessing and makes girls go the extra mile to impress him.  He makes sure that girls think that it is a major privelage to be in a social situation with him by doing this.  Therefore, they feel honored when he answers or returns their call and he gives them one word answers the whole time.  It's a good strategy and it makes sense to do this.  Especially if the girls that you are interested in have low self-esteem.

Note:  The girls that are interested in Paul are generally pretty hot (Minus Ana of course.  Let's not go there). Whether they have low self-esteem or not is not really of my concern.  However, if they have low self-esteem because of their looks, they are really stupid.

Anyways, on to the next...

3.)  Contrary to popular belief, Paul is a nice, caring, and empathetic character.  He has a genuine care for the feelings of the girls that he's interested in which puts him well above the typical assholes.  Sometimes he does things that contradict this kind of thing.  For instance, he is really cheap about paying his share when a bill is split.

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Story time:  I wasn't actually there so someone correct me if I'm wrong.  But, to the best of my knowledge, Paul and a friend of mine shared a buy one get one free coupon for shakes at Steak and Shake.  The bill was three dollars and some odd change.  My friend paid the bill (including the tip) and Paul gave him two dollars to chip in.  However, shortly after, Paul realized that he actually owed one dollar and change instead of two whole dollars.  So, Paul asked for his dollar back and proceeded to count out and give my friend exact change.  What's also interesting was that the money that Paul ended up paying didn't include the tip.  So, really, my friend actually ended up paying more than Paul because he paid for the whole tip.
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However, Paul is very strategic about when and where he does this.  He only does this to males, not females.  So, even if he appears to be an asshole, it's only towards males.  Now, with a female, he would continue to be the nice, caring, and empathetic character he is as a chick magnet.



He may appear to be oblivious but everything he does has a very specific science to it.  Paul is a dear friend of mine and I'm not trying to call him out necessarily (though I definitely am).  However, I think we could all learn a thing or two from his prowess.

Especially me.  The creepiest and most fucked up person on Earth.
So, if you're creepy and fucked up like I am, do what Paul does.

It could work out for you too!!!

Or you could go to Pudge's Hot Chick Pick Up Academy and take some classes.  Enrollment for summer classes start next week!