Most things I can figure out decently well, even difficult concepts. In most areas, I can conclude that I'm at least adequate. Sure, there are some things that I'm just not very good at but we all have faults. Even the things I'm not very good at, at least I can put in a good effort and be content. A lot of things it's a matter of figuring them out or just flat out practicing them. Really, simple enough; sometimes easier said than done but still not very complicated.
However, the one area of my life that's been completely a maelstrom of difficulty is, without a doubt, relationships. And, by this I mean, I can't even get a girl to go out with me.
Not one.
And maybe that's the problem right there. In the phrase "I can't even get a girl to go out with me," implies that there's some sort of manipulation involved. I mean, I try my best but at the end of the day it really turns into a matter of whether women I ask even like me enough to give it a shot.
And maybe that's the problem right there. In the phrase "I can't even get a girl to go out with me," implies that there's some sort of manipulation involved. I mean, I try my best but at the end of the day it really turns into a matter of whether women I ask even like me enough to give it a shot.
The short answer is no.
But maybe it's this inherent analytical approach that I default to that is the root cause of the failures. It's pretty easy to say that dating is a game that doesn't involve just strategy. It seems to me that it requires talent, good looks, and confidence. You can't trick a woman into dating you.
Well, I guess I don't know that for sure but yeah, probably not.
There are people that say I should just 'be myself' but that seems like an inadequate approach as well. Why do I say this? Well, I just simply don't have a lot to be proud of. Sometimes my friends say I should be more confident but I'm not really sure why. There's nothing to be confident in. I'm just a regular guy. I'm not going to go around saying I'm the best person that ever lived or something because that's just stupid. No one's buying that!
Anyways, introspection is one of the most difficult things to do but I'll try my best anyways. The only approach I know is the analytical approach so I guess I'll put out my thoughts that way, for now, even though I know that they don't work.
I think it all starts with my personality and sociability. I frequently find myself stumbling through social situations. Frequently may not even be the right word for it. It's more like all of the time. I think it's because I'm not very normal. I can get along with fellow students in the engineering building okay but I soon as I find myself in a social situation with a normal person, I become hopelessly awkward like every word that I choose, every joke I muster up, every thought that becomes communication becomes something that they either don't understand or just really can't find interesting (I can't tell which one). As you may imagine, this would carry over to potential dating situations. In fact, I think it may get way worse, like a lot worse. This is something I can't figure out at all. Maybe I just don't have the nerves. It's like my body has the mechanism that just kicks in that makes me completely emotionless to get through tough situations. When I give presentations, this will happen as well which often leads to my speech becoming monotone.
Though, this doesn't happen when I play shows so that's good.
I think another thing that really plays against my favor is how unrelatable I am. For how little I fit into any one clique or social stereotype I think really makes me undefined. For the people that do get to know me, I think they have difficulty placing me into these cookie cutter personalities. Humans like being able to classify things. Since I'm pretty hard to classify, I'm also hard to define. When women get to know me, all they can conclude is that there is a lot that they don't know about me because they can't place me into what they already know. Would you want to date the unknown?
I think also that it is the crowd that I hang with. Don't get me wrong; my friends are great! But that's the problem. I'm basically last among my friends in social worth. It sounds depressing but it's pretty true. Not only am I the ugliest, but I'm also the strangest, quietest (sometimes), and the least experienced. So when I'm out with my friends, no one is going to notice me unless if it's for bad reasons. It's unfortunate but it's what happens. Never was there a time when a girl preferred me over any of my friends so I will always be the last pick; which means that I will most likely never get picked at all. About the only way I have anyone beat is with a higher GPA which doesn't mean shit to anyone, even me. It just means that I tried harder at school. Dating prospects don't care about that, trust me.
And that kind of brings me to my next point. Just about everything that I have in my life I got through hard work. I have no natural talents to show off other than working hard...which isn't a natural talent, anyone can work hard if they want. This doesn't sound like a problem but it definitely is. Women don't care if you try hard. In fact, they will probably prefer if you can make difficult things look easy or simple. Basically, they like a show off. I'm not talented enough at any one thing to be like that.
And before you start thinking that since I have the potential to make money with an engineering degree that I will be better off with the ladies, just remember that dating ladies who only want you for money or as a financial crutch will only end badly.
I guess the points that I've made don't really amount to much but I think that about sums it up. And maybe that means I'm not a complete lost cause but when I really think about it, that's a lot to change about myself. Quite frankly, I don't really want to change. It's too much of a wasted effort. All of that work just for a relationship? You know what, it makes no sense.
In the end, the analytical approach certainly won't work. Maybe I'll get lucky one day or something. But you know what? I think I don't care. No, I want a relationship. No, I don't care. No, I want a relationship. You see? I can't even make up my mind. My logical side says that a relationship is way more trouble than it's worth, but my emotional side says that it is worth it.
But I think at the end of the day, I'll be too wrapped up in work, my hobbies, writing this blog (just kidding), etc. to even make a proper effort at something that I shouldn't care about. So you know what? I think I'll try to live the rest of my life single.
Yeah, that sounds pretty good......Right?
Well, I guess I don't know that for sure but yeah, probably not.
There are people that say I should just 'be myself' but that seems like an inadequate approach as well. Why do I say this? Well, I just simply don't have a lot to be proud of. Sometimes my friends say I should be more confident but I'm not really sure why. There's nothing to be confident in. I'm just a regular guy. I'm not going to go around saying I'm the best person that ever lived or something because that's just stupid. No one's buying that!
Anyways, introspection is one of the most difficult things to do but I'll try my best anyways. The only approach I know is the analytical approach so I guess I'll put out my thoughts that way, for now, even though I know that they don't work.
I think it all starts with my personality and sociability. I frequently find myself stumbling through social situations. Frequently may not even be the right word for it. It's more like all of the time. I think it's because I'm not very normal. I can get along with fellow students in the engineering building okay but I soon as I find myself in a social situation with a normal person, I become hopelessly awkward like every word that I choose, every joke I muster up, every thought that becomes communication becomes something that they either don't understand or just really can't find interesting (I can't tell which one). As you may imagine, this would carry over to potential dating situations. In fact, I think it may get way worse, like a lot worse. This is something I can't figure out at all. Maybe I just don't have the nerves. It's like my body has the mechanism that just kicks in that makes me completely emotionless to get through tough situations. When I give presentations, this will happen as well which often leads to my speech becoming monotone.
Though, this doesn't happen when I play shows so that's good.
I think another thing that really plays against my favor is how unrelatable I am. For how little I fit into any one clique or social stereotype I think really makes me undefined. For the people that do get to know me, I think they have difficulty placing me into these cookie cutter personalities. Humans like being able to classify things. Since I'm pretty hard to classify, I'm also hard to define. When women get to know me, all they can conclude is that there is a lot that they don't know about me because they can't place me into what they already know. Would you want to date the unknown?
I think also that it is the crowd that I hang with. Don't get me wrong; my friends are great! But that's the problem. I'm basically last among my friends in social worth. It sounds depressing but it's pretty true. Not only am I the ugliest, but I'm also the strangest, quietest (sometimes), and the least experienced. So when I'm out with my friends, no one is going to notice me unless if it's for bad reasons. It's unfortunate but it's what happens. Never was there a time when a girl preferred me over any of my friends so I will always be the last pick; which means that I will most likely never get picked at all. About the only way I have anyone beat is with a higher GPA which doesn't mean shit to anyone, even me. It just means that I tried harder at school. Dating prospects don't care about that, trust me.
And that kind of brings me to my next point. Just about everything that I have in my life I got through hard work. I have no natural talents to show off other than working hard...which isn't a natural talent, anyone can work hard if they want. This doesn't sound like a problem but it definitely is. Women don't care if you try hard. In fact, they will probably prefer if you can make difficult things look easy or simple. Basically, they like a show off. I'm not talented enough at any one thing to be like that.
And before you start thinking that since I have the potential to make money with an engineering degree that I will be better off with the ladies, just remember that dating ladies who only want you for money or as a financial crutch will only end badly.
I guess the points that I've made don't really amount to much but I think that about sums it up. And maybe that means I'm not a complete lost cause but when I really think about it, that's a lot to change about myself. Quite frankly, I don't really want to change. It's too much of a wasted effort. All of that work just for a relationship? You know what, it makes no sense.
In the end, the analytical approach certainly won't work. Maybe I'll get lucky one day or something. But you know what? I think I don't care. No, I want a relationship. No, I don't care. No, I want a relationship. You see? I can't even make up my mind. My logical side says that a relationship is way more trouble than it's worth, but my emotional side says that it is worth it.
But I think at the end of the day, I'll be too wrapped up in work, my hobbies, writing this blog (just kidding), etc. to even make a proper effort at something that I shouldn't care about. So you know what? I think I'll try to live the rest of my life single.
Yeah, that sounds pretty good......Right?
No comments:
Post a Comment