I think it's fairly certain that most of us have at least done this once in our lives. I can't really speak for all people but when there's someone that I really like and I don't know how they feel about me, it seems that all of the logical functions in my brain just shutdown whenever I try to talk to them or when I think about them. Here's some examples of these kinds of instances that we may imagine.
An Inappropriate Time For Clumsiness
"Alright, here we go!" Gerald thinks in his mind as he approaches the lovely Rosie. Or, maybe he said it out-loud? Anyways, Gerald has made up his mind. He's going for gold! He's walking with pride! Every step feels like a small victory! Oh but there it is. It's just laying there, looking for trouble. The banana peel: the root of all terrible jokes. This time it's real. This time it's no joke at all. The very barrier that brings a triumphant charge to an utter halt.
His foot lands in the banana peel, the grooves of his sneaker digging into the interior layer of the dispose of a former popular health snack. The shoe immediately gives way with minimal friction between the new shoe accessory and the tile floor. The foot slings up with great speed, forcing Gerald to spin-cycle his arms in a pathetic attempt to contain composure in this truly dire time for success.
Gerald lands flat on his back, oh yes, he does. The embarrassment has made its tried and true approach quite as expected but the worst is yet to come. While Gerald gathers himself to make a stand-up recovery from the fall, his eyes land on the banana peel which is flying upwards: so proud, so brave. Astonishment overwhelms Gerald; all he can do is watch. The compost spinning in a yellow flash of grandeur is coming back to Earth. Heading straight for disaster, the fruit scrap lands on Rosie's delicate little nose. Oh the humanity! What was Gerald to do now? Nothing, that's what. Gerald went back to the floor whence he came, forming into the fetal position. Everything was over before it started.
Using the Wrong Words
Devin didn't talk much. He kept to himself due to his inability to contain himself. Once he was going, he was gone. Like a runaway train of all the ambitions in the world, words won't stop coming from his mouth. His excitement escapes him is what it is. Devin didn't want to be this way, he's just a very enthusiastic person when the right topic was on his mind.
His infatuation with Valerie was a true recipe for disaster. Devin could go on for years talking about his dearest Valerie. I know this because he did! But, the one day came when he could not contain his fondness any longer and he sporadically approached Valerie with invigoration:
"Hi!" Devin exclaimed.
"...hi," Valerie stately inquired.
Devin is rustling through his mind like a mass of unorganized notes.
"So, uh, I was thinking and, um, well, if it's ok, hm, DAMN VALERIE! YOU'RE JUST PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY BRIDE TO BE. YOUR HAIR WAVES LIKE THE FM RADIO! YOUR SMILE SHINES LIKE WD-40 ON A RUSTY DOOR HINGE! YOUR WONDERFUL LAUGH REMINDS ME OF MY PET HYENA! YOU SMELL LIKE..."
As Valerie slides over to make an escape, Devin continues to exclaim to the world his profound emotions until the police take out their tazers. When the electrically charged conduit hits his chest, Devin double-times the list of attributes until the very moment his head hits the ground and the words cease.
After a moment of stillness, Devin shows new signs of life. One of the officers waves his hand in front of Devin's face; watching as his eyes follow. The officer promptly asks,
"So, who's Valerie?"
Devin stutters a little and then focuses his eyes on the large shades of the officer.
"Oh Valerie? I guess she's ok. Why do you ask?"
Help I'm Stepping into the Friend Zone!
From the outside, Ed appeared to be a pretty independent figure. He was a go-lucky kind of guy that had his problems like we all do but managed to keep his life towards the plus side. This was until his brain became corrupted with the power that is women. After some crash and burn relationships, Ed had found himself vulnerable and alone. That was the day that Aria came along. Aria never necessarily had bad intentions, she just knew how to play the game. Poor, poor, vulnerable Ed was stuck. There's no escaping the charms of a beautiful woman such as Aria. As a coworker, Ed enjoyed Aria's on-the-clock banter and quickly developed the inescapable doom called feelings.
Ed invited Aria to a series of get-togethers on the weekends, but progress never found its way. Ed found himself either alone or stuck doing kind gestures for Aria, making poor, poor, Ed feel more distant than ever. Eventually, Ed was being left behind. Ed would invite Aria to all kinds of nights out like he had before but Aria started to brush him off every now and then, only keeping him around as nothing more than an errand boy.
To this day, poor, poor, Ed still finds himself at the beck and call of Aria. Ed has been bound and chained using his own heart against him. It is men like Ed and I that have found this to be our most severe weakness. If Ed can accept the importance of his independence and his worth, his heart shall become a strength again.
EW! GROSS!!!
Jodi, unlike other kids in her grade, would sit alone during the lunch period, contemplating some of the wonders of the world. Haha just kidding! She was actually thinking about what shoes to wear for the girls' night out this weekend. In deep thought, she had her eyes shut, weaving her blond curls between her fingers.
"Well, I could wear the red platform shoes." she thought.
"Gosh no! Too Wizard of Oz!" The few gears in her head were turning. It had been awhile since they were oiled up so things were pretty slow going. Very well past the 3,000 mile change.
"How about those shimmery heels? ...hm, no. Tracy called me a slut when I was wearing those."
Jodi was unaware of the immediate events to unfold. However, her brain had really started to misfire so she decided to cease all thoughts and dive into her Caesar salad. Only moments into the green meal, in came Harold. Harold was not just entering the cafeteria, Harold was returning after buying a second tray from the lunch lady who so dearly admired him. Harold's greasy hair and protruding belly were just a start to the horror that Jodi had described to her closest friends as, "Atrocious and putrid." Harold was incredibly tall at 6' 9" with a shoe size that would double that of my boot. His unruly hair spiraled down across his eyes, past his nose, and curled back under his upper lip. It is still a mystery to this day if Harold had a mustache or not due to half of his face being masked by his bangs. His beard was of equal quality to his hair, swinging down and around his chin until it all gathered right around his Adam's Apple.
Those who knew Harold knew that he had a heart of gold. It is true that most had similar views to Jodi about his appearance, but his kind-heartedness made it easy to overlook these qualities. Jodi noticed Harold looking in the direction of her table. Jodi crossed herself and whispered a quick prayer, then proceeded to pretend to not notice Harold approaching.
As soon as Harold had sat down with his lunch, card, and roses, Jodi vomited right back into the Ceaser salad bowl; erupting like Mt. Vesuvius. Harold just sat and watched as she erupted lime-green digestive juices in a steady stream. As soon as the upper-half of her digestive tract was empty again, Harold did not make a move, staring blankly at the mess. Jodi looked up at the staring Harold while wiping her lips with a napkin.
It is from this point that multiple accounts of the story contradict. However, the most universally agreed-upon version of the story is as follows:
Jodi burst into laughter, spitting remnants of the vile fluid left in her mouth all over the table. Harold still didn't know what to say, but started chuckling softly to himself. Jodi, wiping some tears from her eyes, then looked back at Harold; looking hard into the eyes that were covered by the greasy hair, moving her eyes down to his beard that swung down and around to his Adam's Apple, observed his protruding belly, and, finally, landing on his boot sized feet.
Jodi and Harold extended their arms out; Jodi's hands grasping onto the card and flowers. Jodi gave a soft smile to Harold and whispered, "Thank you."
And that was the day that Jodi stopped being a bitch.
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